Airport Security A Go-Go
(01/06/2007)
It was the turn of June and I was at the airport awaiting travel to Greater Britain. I had been under the impression the population were prone to wearing bowler hats and concealed rapier swords in their parasols for protection as had been my 60's Television education, needless to say I was disappointed to see nary a leather cat-suit on any of the comely ladies whilst on the isle. I had also been misinformed about this "Stiff Upper Lip", as far I was concerned I was about become a Slick Mouthed God passing through a generational epidemic of stroke victims.
First off was dealing with security and the water quota. Is not a man made of 2 thirds liquid? You see This Is The Canadian Nasty-Cat perched in their Cream of Mushroom Soup. In the opinion of this Doctor of Journalism, All people with Polio passing through airport security should be immediately detained. Only they in their palsy have the appropriate gammy balance to stop two liquid chemicals mixing in their bodies until the right time. Let them through and see what will happen, at some point they'll fall over and Buckingham Palace will be atomized! I can see the headline now: BRITISH ROYAL FAMILY DECIMATED BY TERRORIST GIMP BOMB. Despite my lack of confidence in airport security, I had not a single orange crush since that Tuesday and had that morning syringed empty my bladder.
They had me with the plastique insoles in my shoes though. Luckily after a search so invasive I would have expected to have been bought dinner beforehand, I was free to go. Thanks to my press credentials and rap sheet they decided that I was no terrorist but merely a Nomadic Mutant. They couldn't be sure It was safe to let me in but they could always use me under their Government's scapegoat policy for Population Culling, Codename: Deus Teneo Ex Machina.
Finally I was on the plane and off to London Town accompanied by many a fighting and screaming child. Quickly checking for pregnant women I reached for the CS spray I had concealed in my hand luggage.....
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